Five Ways to Maintain Family Ties

Sheikh Bali explained it very practically — what to do to maintain the ties of kinship (sila), and what you should do when they treat you badly.

A Familiar Scene

Relatives now only means seeing each other at weddings and funerals. The rest of the time, we know nothing about who is where, or who is sick.

Some even think, "They don't treat me well, so why should I go?" The relationship grows cold from both sides.

Sheikh Bali first explained who the arham are — in the first tier: mother, sister, maternal aunt, paternal aunt, brother's daughter, sister's daughter; then brothers and sisters, paternal uncles and aunts, maternal uncles and aunts, and their children.

Then he went through it step by step — exactly how to maintain the ties of kinship.

The Sheikh's Answer

Five ways — dua, money according to your ability, visiting, going forward to help when they need you, and speaking good words.

The Sheikh says — the best way of maintaining ties is to call them to Allah. Sit beside your maternal aunt and ask gently, "Are you praying Fajr?" If not, tell her — the Prophet ﷺ said that whoever prays Fajr is under Allah's protection.

And what if they treat you badly? A Companion asked exactly this question. The Prophet ﷺ did not tell him to cut off the relationship — he said, stay as you are.

Evidence — Two Rewards

مَنْ أَحَبَّ أَنْ يُبْسَطَ لَهُ فِي رِزْقِهِ وَيُنْسَأَ لَهُ فِي أَثَرِهِ فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ

Whoever wishes to have abundance in his provision and barakah in his lifespan should maintain the ties of kinship. (Sahih Bukhari 5985, Sahih Muslim 2557)Copy

Doing ihsan even to those who hurt you — the Prophet ﷺ said to that Companion, if it is as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths. (Sahih Muslim 2558)

What to Do

1. Alongside yourself and your parents, include your relatives in your dua — the easiest way to maintain ties.
2. If you are able, help poor relatives, and give a hadiya for everyone, even if small.
3. Go and visit them yourself, ask after them, and stand by them when they need you.
4. Speak good words in a gentle manner — whether their salah, Surah Al-Fatihah and tashahhud are correct.

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Source: Based on the talk of Sheikh Waheed Abdussalam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center