Seeing the prospective bride is permissible, being alone with her is not

A question came to Shaykh Wahid Abdus Salam Bali — what is the limit of the legitimate look (ru'yah)? The answer is as simple as it is clear.

How the question comes up

The marriage talks are moving forward. The young man says — let me talk to her privately for a bit, otherwise how will I get to know her? The family thinks too, what harm is there in that?

Then it begins: hours and hours on the phone, going out to eat together, putting a ring on her finger, sometimes even travelling together.

The aqd gets delayed by a month, two months. By then the relationship between the two has reached a point from which no one even thinks of turning back.

So the question is straightforward — what are the Islamic rules for seeing the prospective bride? Does someone have to sit with them while they see her?

The Shaykh's answer

One may see the bride's face and the wrists of both hands — but sitting beside her father or brother; never alone.

The Shaykh says — first speak with her mahram, with her father or brother. Then sit and talk in their presence. Imam an-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said that looking at the face shows her beauty, and looking at the hands shows the build of the body.

If you like her, do not delay — propose to her father and complete the aqd. If the aqd is postponed by a month or two, you may not sit with her during that time; the permission to see her was only for the proposal, after which the ruling returns to what it was before.

The evidence — where the path begins

وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا۟ ٱلزِّنَىٰٓ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فَٰحِشَةًۭ وَسَآءَ سَبِيلًۭا

And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way. (Surah Al-Israa 17:32 — Saheeh International)Copy

The Prophet ﷺ said — no man is alone with a woman except that Shaytan is the third of them. (Sunan at-Tirmidhi) So for a fiancée, holding hands, putting a ring on her finger, travelling together — all of it is forbidden.

What to do

1. First speak with the mahram — the girl's father or brother.
2. Sit in their presence to see her and talk — only up to the face and wrists.
3. Being alone, touching, travelling together, or going to a restaurant — none of these.
4. If you like her, complete the aqd quickly; until the aqd she is completely a non-mahram woman.

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Source: Based on a talk by Shaykh Wahid Abdus Salam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Quran Ruqyah Healing Center