The Real Reasons Behind Delayed Marriage

Shaykh Wahid Bali pointed out the reasons one by one — and beside each one he placed a solution.

The Reasons He Pointed Out

Proposal after proposal is turned away. Age keeps rising. In home after home, parents' worries pile up, and the sons and daughters grow weary inside.

• Excess in wedding expenses and mahr
• Excessive strictness in the list of qualities for the groom and bride
• Refusing to marry outside the clan or lineage
• Putting education and career ahead of marriage
• Forcing someone into marriage, and holding back a younger sister

The Shaykh says — behind all of this lie the pressure of custom, showing off, and a competition in pride.

The Shaykh's Answer

If one is able, marriage is obligatory — "O young people, whoever among you is able, let him marry." Delaying it with weak excuses is not permissible.

The Shaykh's words about mahr — the scholars say that mahr is a symbol, not the worth of a woman. A woman whose mahr is one lakh is not better than a woman whose mahr is a thousand taka. The Prophet ﷺ married a companion to a woman in exchange for the Qur'an he had memorized.

He also asked us to break through another quiet shyness — when a girl's guardian sees a righteous groom, he can himself make the proposal. Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) spoke to Abu Bakr and Uthman (may Allah be pleased with them) about his own daughter; there is no fault in this.

The evidence — it is He who brings out the way

وَمَن يَتَّقِ ٱللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُۥ مَخْرَجًۭا

And when they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or part with them according to acceptable terms. And bring to witness two just men from among you and establish the testimony for [the acceptance of] Allāh. That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allāh and the Last Day. And whoever fears Allāh - He will make for him a way out (Surah At-Talaaq 65:2 — Saheeh International; meaning of the complete verse)Copy

Forcing someone into marriage is not permissible — marriage has sakan and mawaddah; if you force it for the sake of wealth or position, that does not come. And do not hold back out of fear of poverty (see Surah An-Nur, verse 32).

What to Do

1. Give up excess in mahr and ceremonies — mahr is a symbol, not a price.
2. Shorten the list of qualities; if you like their deen and character, do not delay.
3. No conditions of clan or lineage; and do not force anyone into marriage.
4. Do not hold back a good proposal for the younger daughter for the sake of the elder.

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Source: Based on the talk of Shaykh Wahid Abdus Salam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Quran Ruqyah Healing Center