Your Child Is Copying You

Four pieces of advice from Sheikh Waheed Bali for Qur'an teachers and parents alike. The first is the hardest: you yourself are the role model.

How the Question Came

The question was: for a child who is memorizing the Qur'an, how do we plant faith, and love for Allah and the Prophet ﷺ, in his heart? And how will he put into amal (practice) what he memorizes?

The Sheikh said: a child copies his teacher. So the male teacher is a role model, the female teacher is a role model too; and at home, the parents.

The word that slips out of your mouth in a moment of anger is exactly what the child picks up, and then he goes and says it to his siblings. The hurt spreads through the whole house.

The Sheikh gave four pieces of advice, and all four apply in both places: at the maktab and at home.

The Sheikh's Answer

When anger rises, do not curse. Say “May Allah guide you”, “May Allah be pleased with you”, “May Allah bless you.”

The second piece of advice: neither husband nor wife should scold the other in front of the children; speak privately instead. The child should always see the father looking at the mother with a smile, and the mother at the father.

No home is without problems, but those problems must never be in front of the children. This is how a child grows up with hope for life and love for the deen.

The Evidence: The Dua That Was Taught

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍۢ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us a leader [i.e., example] for the righteous." (Surah Al-Furqaan 25:74 — Saheeh International; meaning of the complete verse)Copy

Every good deed your child or student does will also be added to your record of deeds. Even after death, three things continue: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, and a righteous child. (Sahih Muslim 1631)

What to Do

1. When you are angry, make dua for your child, never a curse.
2. Do not let disagreements between husband and wife happen in front of the children; sit in a separate place and settle them.
3. Say every day: “O my Lord, my children's hearts are in Your hands; set them right.”
4. Practice first, yourself, what you are teaching, and show it: a child listens less and watches more.

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Source: Based on a talk by Sheikh Waheed Abdus Salam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit, Al Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center