When the intention is reconciliation, Allah brings hearts together

Shaykh Bali says — Allah has tied tawfiq to the intention. So before stepping in as a mediator, examine your own intention.

Two kinds of mothers, two kinds of outcomes

A wise mother listens to her daughter fully, absorbs her anger, and then reminds her of her son-in-law's good qualities — the daughter's anger cools, and her husband, seeing her gentle, loves her even more.

But a thoughtless mother says — “Hang up the phone, don't talk to him, come home.” Then a small problem grows big, and in the end it goes as far as divorce.

It is the same with a son. If the mother says — “He is carrying the household, bear with him a little” — the anger subsides. But if she stirs it up, anger of 20% becomes 100%.

The Shaykh says — Do not judge after hearing only one side; each person tells their own side, not the other's.

The Shaykh's answer

If you truly want reconciliation, Allah will soften hearts that have become hard, and turn the distance into love.

But if deep down you want one side to win — then do not enter that quarrel at all, because Allah will not bring them together. However beautifully you speak, the intention in your heart is not hidden from Allah.

The evidence — two mediators, one from each side

Allah has said — if you fear a breakup between husband and wife, send one mediator from the husband's family and one from the wife's family; if they want reconciliation, Allah will bring harmony between the two of them. (Surah An-Nisa, verse 35)

The Shaykh stresses the final part of this verse — “Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” That is, your real purpose is not hidden from Him.

What to do

1. Before stepping in as a mediator, ask yourself — Do I want to bring them together, or make one side win?
2. After listening to the daughter or son, listen to the other side as well.
3. Calm the anger, then remind them of the other side's good qualities.
4. Refrain from saying “Come home” and “Don't talk to him/her.”

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Source: Based on a talk by Shaykh Waheed Abdussalam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center