Which Wife Will Make You Happy?

Shaykh Wahid Bali gives a paper-and-pen calculation here — divide 100 marks across six qualities, then make your decision.

Where the Mistake Happens

When life experience is limited, the eye gets stuck on the outer shell — “I want a very beautiful girl.” Wanting beauty is not wrong; the fault is wanting only that.

The Shaykh asks in return — where is the religion? Where is the character? Where are the values? And what about the family you are going into — what are they like?

• Religiosity
• Character and conduct
• Values and principles
• Ability to manage the home and cooking
• What she wants in raising children
• Her family — what her parents are like

The Shaykh's Answer

Write the six qualities on paper, then divide the 100 marks among them — no one is 100%; the total marks will give the decision.

The Shaykh's example — religion 30, character 20, beauty 20, thinking about raising children 10, managing home and cooking 10, and her family 10. If you got 10 in beauty instead of 20, and 5 in family — you can still go ahead if the total is 70-80.

Those who put 90 on beauty and keep 10 on everything else get hit by the blow after just a year or two — in religion, in character, in values. Then the problems of married life begin.

Evidence — What Comes First

تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا، وَلِحَسَبِهَا، وَلِجَمَالِهَا، وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ

A woman is married for four reasons — her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religion. Choose the religious one and you will succeed. (Sahih Bukhari 5090)Copy

The Shaykh's final words — religion and character come before beauty. Choose someone in whom these qualities are combined; settle your priorities first.

What to Do

1. Before looking at any proposal, write the six qualities on paper and settle your priorities.
2. 90 on beauty and 10 on everything else — this calculation collapses after two years.
3. Look not only at the prospective bride, but also at the good sense and balance of her family.
4. No one is 100% — if the total marks are good, make dua and move forward.

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Source: Based on the talk of Shaykh Wahid Abdus Salam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center