My family isn't arranging my marriage — what should I do?

Two words in Shaykh Wahid Bali's reply — a comfort for the young woman, and a stern piece of advice for the guardians.

How the Question Comes

A long question from a sister — a good proposal came when she was young, and her family turned it away. Now she is older, and proposals no longer come.

Now a proposal has come for her younger sister. Hurt feelings have built up inside her — Aren't they responsible for this? Can I keep my distance from them?

This pain is in many homes. It cannot be spoken aloud, yet it cannot be forgotten either.

Shaykh Bali's reply went in two directions — toward the young woman, and toward the guardians.

The Shaykh's Reply

Perhaps Allah has kept someone even better stored up for you — better than those who came.

The Shaykh says — hold on to dua and pleading, and ask Allah for a righteous husband. And do not disobey your parents, do not leave them and move away; be content with Allah's decision.

His stern words to the guardians of girls — if you are pleased with a man's religion and character, then marry your daughter to him, whether he is poor or rich. Turn him away only if there is a flaw in his religion — such as not praying salah or being careless about the religion.

The Evidence — There Is Good in What You Dislike

وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌۭ لَّكُمْ

Battle has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allāh knows, while you know not. (Surah Al-Baqara 2:216 — Saheeh International; meaning of the complete verse)Copy

The Shaykh reminds us — the Prophet ﷺ married a poor Companion to a woman, a man who did not even have an iron ring; the mahr was the Qur'an he had memorized. Provision is in Allah's hands (see Surah An-Nur, verse 32).

What to Do

1. Do not give up dua — ask Allah every day for a righteous life partner.
2. Do not cut ties with your parents out of hurt feelings — disobedience is no solution.
3. Guardians: if you are pleased with his religion and character, do not turn him away for being poor.
4. Let the reason for turning away a suitor be a flaw in his religion — not a calculation of wealth.

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Source: Based on a talk by Shaykh Wahid Abdussalam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center