I Can't Respond When My Husband Calls Me

A question from a sister of 50 years — she has neither strength of heart nor strength of body, and her home is small. Shaykh Bali's answer holds a great relief.

How the Question Comes

The question is from a sister who is 50 years old — "Masha'Allah, my husband is healthy, strong and capable. I no longer have that strength, neither in mind nor in body."

"Our home has two rooms, and the children have grown up. Since there isn't enough space, I feel extremely embarrassed in front of them."

"I have even offered him another marriage proposal. I do not withhold his right, but I respond reluctantly — is there sin on me for this?"

Hidden within the question is the silent pain of many homes. Shaykh Bali's answer here is very balanced.

The Shaykh's Answer

Allah does not burden anyone beyond their capacity — only as much as you are able.

The Shaykh first reminds us — the Prophet ﷺ did not stress responding to a husband's call without wisdom; the purpose is that a person remain content with what is halal and be able to protect the gaze.

Then he tells the questioner — if the husband has the means for a second marriage, he may do so. If he does not have the means, you will respond as far as you are able; Allah does not place on anyone more than that.

The Evidence — Not Beyond One's Capacity

لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا

Allāh does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people." (Surah Al-Baqara 2:286 — Saheeh International; meaning of the complete verse)Copy

The Shaykh reminds us — even in the lawful relationship between husband and wife there is the reward of sadaqah; just as there is sin in the haram, so in the halal there is reward. (Sahih Muslim)

What to Do

1. Do not blame yourself for what is beyond your capacity — Allah does not burden anyone beyond their capacity.
2. Do not silently increase the distance; speak openly and gently with your husband.
3. If you have physical weakness, see a doctor — not every hardship has a spiritual cause.
4. Make dua for one another — there is reward with Allah in this relationship too.

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Source: Based on the talk of Shaykh Waheed Abdussalam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center