My husband is talking to another woman

Shaykh Wahid Bali's answer came in two parts — on one side, the path he is taking is itself wrong; on the other, a great reward of patience is kept for the wife.

How the Question Comes

A sister's question — I have become certain that my husband talks to another woman; he has even promised her marriage. What should I do now?

This is what the inside of the home is like at such a time — staring at the phone, lying awake at night thinking, keeping a hard face in front of the children. Inside, you are breaking, yet you cannot tell anyone.

Some advise — fight with him, ask for divorce. Others say — stay silent. Either way, it feels like I am losing myself.

Shaykh Bali began his answer not with the wife — but with the husband's wrong path.

The Shaykh's Answer

If he wants to marry, he must come through the door — he must speak with the girl's father or brother. Carrying on contact in secret is something the Prophet ﷺ forbade.

A second marriage is halal in Islam — but with conditions. The husband must be gentle and kind to the first wife, must explain things to her beforehand, must wipe away her wound with good words, and must be just between the two homes.

And for the wife? The Shaykh readily admits — this is hard and painful, a kind of trial. But standing with the demand "Divorce her, or I will break up the home" is not right. Rather, it is sabr and ihtisab; even that pain in the throat is recorded in the book of deeds.

Evidence — Secret Talk and the Reward of Sabr

مَا خَلَا رَجُلٌ بِامْرَأَةٍ إِلَّا كَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ ثَالِثَهُمَا

No man is alone with a woman except that Shaytan is there as the third. (Jami' at-Tirmidhi)Copy

إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى ٱلصَّٰبِرُونَ أَجْرَهُم بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍۢ

Say, "O My servants who have believed, fear your Lord. For those who do good in this world is good, and the earth of Allāh is spacious. Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account [i.e., limit]." (Surah Az-Zumar 39:10 — Saheeh International; meaning of the complete verse)Copy

What to Do

1. First of all, pour out what is inside you to Allah — no home is ever mended without dua.
2. Not a threat to break up the home; sit with your husband calmly, with good words.
3. Remind him — not secret contact; the way is through a mahram.
4. Swallow the pain for the sake of Allah — the reward for this sabr is beyond reckoning.

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Source: Based on a talk by Shaykh Wahid Abdus Salam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center