A marriage lasts through letting go, not through arguing

Married life is built on tanazul, not on tanazu' — that is, on giving up some of your own rights, not on quarreling.

How the Problems Arise

• Being stingy in spending on wife and children despite having the means
• Constant criticism and fault-finding over trivial matters
• Time is spent with friends, but there is no time for the people at home
• Insults, humiliation or physical violence under the pretext of "qawwamah"
• From the wife's side — constant complaints, dissatisfaction and taunts
• Taking the problems of the home outside the home

The Shaykh's Response

The Shaykh says — taghaful, that is, pretending not to notice certain things, is a quality of the wise, not a fault.

No one is perfect. Let go of small flaws; when a big one comes up, speak about it with wisdom, without hurting feelings. And never speak about the problems of your home to outsiders — this does not bring a solution, rather it destroys each other's honor.

Evidence — there is reward even in household spending

وَإِنَّكَ لَنْ تُنْفِقَ نَفَقَةً تَبْتَغِي بِهَا وَجْهَ اللَّهِ إِلَّا أُجِرْتَ بِهَا، حَتَّى مَا تَجْعَلُ فِي فِي امْرَأَتِكَ

Whatever you spend seeking the pleasure of Allah, you will be rewarded for it — even the morsel that you put into your wife's mouth. (Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)Copy

About those who settle problems by beating, the Prophet ﷺ said — "They are not the best among you." (Sunan Abu Dawud)

What to Do

1. Stay moderate in spending — neither stinginess nor extravagance.
2. Let go of small mistakes; if needed, say it once in gentle words.
3. Set aside some time every day only for your wife and children — this too is worship.
4. Keep household quarrels within the home; do not complain to anyone outside.

Monthly Ruqyah Course

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Source: Based on the talk of Shaykh Waheed Abdussalam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center