The Reward for Disobedience Comes Back

Shaykh Bali says — No one disobeys their parents knowingly; disobedience comes from not knowing. If they knew, no child would ever be disobedient.

An Incident the Shaykh Witnessed

A doctor friend took the Shaykh to see a patient. The elderly man could not speak — a stroke had locked his tongue.

The Shaykh heard that he had once held a high position in the state. He had educated his children in top schools and given them the best education.

After he fell ill, his engineer daughter said she was busy, and his doctor son said he had no time. The decision was made — he would be placed in a nursing home and money would be sent.

When he regained consciousness, he found himself there. The stroke came from that grief and anger — and the power of speech was lost.

The Shaykh's Reply

If children knew that ihsan toward parents is the middle gate of Paradise, no child would ever be disobedient.

The Shaykh says — the reward is of the same kind as the deed. The way you treat your own parents is what your children will watch and learn, and they will treat you the same way. So honor your own parents in front of your children.

Birr is not only sending money — birr is feeling, birr is comfort. If an elderly father tells a story he has told many times, listen as though you are hearing it for the first time.

Evidence — What Allah Has Decided

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًۭا كَرِيمًۭا

And your Lord has decreed that you worship not except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. (Surah Al-Israa 17:23 — Saheeh International)Copy

The Shaykh says — a scolding means raising your voice in front of your parents. Even showing annoyance after being asked to do something is a form of disobedience; even if you do not say it aloud, it touches the father's heart.

What to Do

1. Once every day, ask — Are you pleased with me? Kiss their hand.
2. Honor your own parents in front of your children — this is where they learn from.
3. Even if there is separation or quarreling, do not speak of the other side's faults in front of your children.
4. Even after your parents have passed away, birr is not over — dua in sujud, sadaqah, Hajj and Umrah.

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Source: Based on the talk of Shaykh Wahid Abdussalam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al-Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center