Does my mother sense that I have come?

The view Shaykh Bali gives preference to is that the deceased does not sense the visit, because there is no evidence for it. But the real benefit of visiting belongs to the living.

How the question comes

Her mother has passed away. Every week the daughter goes and stands beside the grave, talks, and cries.

A hope works in her heart: surely Mother senses it, surely she finds a little peace.

Then someone says, if you don't go, she will be hurt. Going then moves away from love and rests on fear.

The question came to Shaykh Bali: Does she truly find joy in our visit? And which amal reaches her?

The Shaykh's answer

The benefit of visiting a grave is for the living; the benefit for the deceased lies in dua.

The scholars differ; the Shaykh gives preference to the second view: the deceased does not feel the visit, because there is no evidence for it. The Prophet ﷺ gave the reason for visiting, that it reminds one of the Hereafter.

Dua for the deceased, whether at home, in the mosque or beside the grave, is all the same for them. Rather, a dua made in sujud, between the adhan and the iqamah, or while fasting is better than going to the grave.

The evidence: what is the reason for visiting

كُنْتُ نَهَيْتُكُمْ عَنْ زِيَارَةِ الْقُبُورِ، أَلَا فَزُورُوهَا، فَإِنَّهَا تُذَكِّرُكُمُ الْآخِرَةَ

I had forbidden you from visiting graves; know that now you should visit them, for it reminds you of the Hereafter. (Sahih Muslim)Copy

He did not say, ‘Visit, because it benefits the dead.’ He said it reminds you of the Hereafter. And the time when dua is most likely to be accepted is in sujud and between the adhan and the iqamah.

What to do

1. Make dua for your parents in sujud, for that is when a servant is closest to his Lord.
2. Make dua for them between the adhan and the iqamah, and also while fasting.
3. Arrange sadaqah in their name, repayment of their debts, or their missed fasts.
4. When you go to the grave, take admonition for yourself; women should not go repeatedly.

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Source: Based on a talk by Shaykh Wahid Abdussalam Bali

Translation and compilation: Raqi Faisal Ahmed Sabit — Al Qur'an Ruqyah Healing Center